1. |
Rudy
05:37
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Sitting on my back porch
Year 2009
Saw a funny red light streak across the sky
Thought it was an alien
But then I realized
It was the evening before December 25
Those sweet antlers answered all my prayers
I gave him a salute to prove that I cared
And with a click of his hooves he was no longer there
But I knew he would be back that night
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy
He nose just what to do
Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy
Wont you take me with you
I got out of my chair to go back inside
Looked over my shoulder only to find
Rudolph himself was back and closer this time
But then he disappeared again
Red glow out my window
Eleven fifty-five
Laying in bed I pretend to close my eyes
I can see the presents growing from his thighs
I love the way that Rudy flies
Back and forth
From the pole of North
To place of my birth
I'll take that for what it's worth
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2. |
Tinsel Ritual
02:44
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Carving crayons into Santa Clause
Baskets filled with snow cats
Sharpie some angels on a bell
Mittens aching to be unwrapped
Tie your lettuce into wreaths
Chestnuts filled with mom's cookies
Christmas cards stuck in the yard
Snowballs and a turkey
Tidings of tinsel and Old Saint Nick
Skating on down the Black Earth Creek
Poinsettia pudding in my manger
Hot cocoa every day of the week
Rejoice in tinsel ritual
Hot corn on the phone lines
My sweater of partridge and myrrh
Central heat to 69
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3. |
Christmas Guy
04:42
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He's got a candy cane brain and a ginger bread head
And when it's about to rain he makes it snow instead
He's the christmas guy
You know those peppermint shins hold up his spruce tree knees
He's got christmas light teeths and a glow in the dark Barkley jersey
That's our christmas guy
He drives a trolley filled with holly
Brings the good girls their wanted dolly
Brings the good boys their wanted dolly
Gender does not decide wanted dollies
So after a long, warm night of wassling and limbo
Hark, his christmas nails scratching at your window
Don't just sit there hopin'
Leave your front door wide open
Don't spend your christmas morning mopin'
Welcome that christmas guy
Christmas guy, christmas guy
Tell us what you're doing
Ducks are quacking, we're all snacking
All the cows are mooing
We told you now you tell us
Your voice is soft and soothing
I'm in a taxi, looking out
Christmas thoughts are brewing
I'm the christmas guy
He'll take your kids on really long walks
Share with them all sorts of christmas talks
He'll have 'em back by Monday for school
He's pretty cool that way
He's got pictures of elves in his wallet
But that's not what he calls it
No real reason why
But that's our christmas guy
So whip out that old egg nog
And chain up all your dogs
The christmas guy does not like dogs :(
And just when you think it's over
He's back again mid-Jantober
That's our christmas
Wonderful christmas
Magical christmas
Supercalifornalisticexpectopachristmas guy
oh what a christmas guy
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4. |
Christmas Fire
05:22
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Two old logs in the fireplace
That's the place for fire
Yellow flames, orange flames
Sitting beside that festive pyre
And the fire burns in the fireplace
And the blaze blazes in the hearth
And the inferno heats in the chimney
And the fire smolders in the inglenook
Flickering light shows and hides
Aaron Rodgers' face on my wall
I've got a couple of books
And an old rug by the fireplace
A poker, some tongs, and a brush
Fizz, hiss, snap, and sizzle
Crackle, pop, goes the fire
Decrepitate and frizzle
Sputter, sparkle, goes the fire
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5. |
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I'm just a corncob pipe with a button nose
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6. |
Christmas Tree
02:33
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It was a frosty December 24
And all year I had been nothing but good
When twelve christmas snail streaked across my floor
And they led me out into the woods
Their florescent trails sparkled red and green
And their familiar hum kept me warm
They took me down, we walked on the creek
To the very spot Santa was born
A frozen stick snapped and I fell to the ground
A pinecone cut open my knee
The snails all laughed without making a sound
Behold the age old christmas tree
I looked up toward the smell of nutmeg and clove
It towered up through the sky
Real big is what I've always been told
But O' christmas tree ninety miles high
Eleven christmas hounds helped me to my feet
Ten christmas squirrels healed my would
Nine christmas sheep bleated christmas bleats
Eight christmas rams were there too
An escalator was then formed by seven christmas turtles
As six christmas cardinals grabbed my christmas shoulders
Five christmas snakes were speaking in circles
We must hurry before he gets any older
The cardinals were guided by four christmas fireflies
They pulled me through the canopy
Three christmas stag christmas pierced through my spine
And by two christmas bears I was set on the holy tree
Holy Tree, Christmas Tree
Only Tree, Christmas Tree
Age old and cold with glory
Christmas Tree and christmas me
So soft and holy and only
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7. |
Christmas Fish
02:56
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Christmas fish lay presents under a spruce coral reef
They talk to ghosts of present, past, and future
Christmas fish hang stockings of deserted hermit crab shells
Anglerfish line up along their driveways and illuminate their stairwells
Christmas fish, christmas fish
Blowfish are the snowfish when they're
christmas fish, christmas fish
Panfish is the krampus, santuna clause and the mackerelves
They load up a suriname toads with gifts and gaiety
A team of eight sea horses, fed and ready for sea delivery
Christmas fish want warm socks, they don't want six pack rings
So toss your socks in a river, filled with comfort and joy tidings
Christmas fish hate plastic, they wish you and sharks both dead
So if you're thinking of visiting consider prohibiting yourself instead
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8. |
Christmas, Christmas
02:56
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Christmas, christmas, pretty nice
Christ was born in June this year
Cheers to reindeer over here
The sun is a christmas light
I'm leaving leafy greens next to my screens
Trails of mushrooms to my living room
Bird eggs scattered around my legs
And arctic char, come where I are
I'm leaving oats in the pockets of my coat
Carrots to lead where I am there at
Apple to pull you right up my stairs
And barley, please come where I are-ee
Christmas, christmas, pretty nice
Everyone come and get a slice
Cheers to reindeers over here
This year it's christmas twice
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9. |
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Baby, it's so cold outside
Let me buy you an uber
This evening has really been nice
But we had better get you home sooner
Than later
Please take a plate or
Two
Of my famous christmas tubers
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Tall Ducks Milwaukee, Wisconsin
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